What is it about ‘blaming’ that helps us feel more justified about being right? But does it help to blame others when ultimately it leaves us feeling flat? Why is it so much easier to resort to blaming others instead of looking a bit closer at what’s really going on? We’ve all been guilty of it and I’ll hold up my hands, I’ve been there, done that. But what follows here is a story of how a teenager sets an example in how we should all learn to behave, and it illustrates how simple it can be to front-up and take it on-the-chin, instead of letting pride get in the way. A family relation, who I’ve yet to meet (as she lives on the other side of the planet) added a Facebook status update recently and it was refreshingly frank while taking full responsibility. She mentioned that someone came towards her with a knife when she left work one evening. A traumatic experience for anyone. But what was interesting was her insistence on pushing away all her Facebook Friend comments eager to lay blame on others, such as ‘her employers should have ensured she got home safely’, or ‘the friends she left work with should have ensured she got to the bus safely’, and so on. She concluded the stream of responses with a very cool, calm and collected: “I’m alright and that’s all that matters. lesson learned”
Are kids being raised differently?
She’s still in full-time education but seems to have a level-head and maybe this is something that has evolved with the younger generation. I’d like to think so. Are kids becoming increasingly more self-contained and mature, quite possibly. Are they all coping, easily, probably not. Some kids get more of an input in determining what can be life-changing decisions (at a young age) because many parents and carers involve them in making better choices through the improved information streams now available as well as the hindsight of their own upbringings. Maybe there is an element of chicken and egg, But for those raised surrounded by a loving supportive network the story given here is a great example of how not to create a new trauma’ that requires therapy in another 20-40 years’ 🙂 …
Think how well set up she is as she heads out into life with such a great attitude which encourages me to think that although this is a tougher route for parents its one that can clearly pay-off with such a responsible attitude in one so young. My feeling is she has it right – do I know why her head is so clearly set – I really don’t, but I do suspect a strong parental input lies at the core. Many of us have to reach middle-age before we start listening to the lessons that life has continually thrown up, that we have chosen to ignore. And we find all sorts of tactics to avoid going there, you name it, well just name yours. Because for a lot of people the longer an issue goes on, the deeper its grip and the more they fear its eruption. But the bottom line is we are ALL responsible for our own wellbeing (first and foremost) and if you feel that others take that off your hands, then maybe its an indication of handing over your personal power and maybe you need to consider reclaiming it. I checked it was okay to tell her story and thought it a great example of how blame can be resisted.
Your mind knows you better than you do
The thing is you have a mind (that never switches off) as much as you may want it to sometimes. But once you get to grips and stop blaming others for what is your individualised learning, the sooner you can start listening and gaining the insights. If you have repeating behavioural patterns that get stronger (as you get older) that you’ve convinced yourself are your ‘personality’, perhaps your confidence is undermined, maybe you’ve experienced physical injury or disease, maybe that has led to feeling more debilitated, you might just want to consider changing the pattern by getting off the merry-go-round of blame and start finding your way back to being the healthier, happier you that you suspect is lurking inside. Once you stop ‘pointing the finger’, you can begin reclaiming your inner power which brings with it a renewed sense of control about what you can allow to happen in (and to) your life with integrity, despite what others and ‘society’ in general tells you, you should do.
It can be undermining
Do you have any stories like this? Or do you find yourself feeling powerless where your life decisions are in someone else’s hands or perhaps you ask others for their opinions before trusting your own? Perhaps you are under the illusion that you are completely in control, controlling your world and those around you to the nth degree. But this brings up another series of questions about your ability to trust that everyone (including children and the elderly) have a right to experience their own life in their preferred way. You can only ever truly have control of your own life, the rest is a beautiful compromise.
Tell me more … If you’d like to learn more you’re welcome to an ‘introductory chat’ – see how to kick-start the process – all sessions are ‘private and confidential.
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