[captionpix align=”right” width=”250″ imgsrc=”http://www.janeunsworth.com/wp-content/uploads/happy-couple-250×167.jpg” captiontext=”Listening Is Key”]
Remember that golden-oldie, but does your life-partner never seem to hear a word you say? Or you them? Often in partnerships, especially loving ones, the boundaries can become blurred.
Loved ones can make the classic error of thinking they know what you want, even what you think, about any subject that arises for discussion and that in itself is stifling.
Therefore it’s important that your life-partner hears, respects and continues valuing your personal development, so you’re able to change-your-mind without contradiction, otherwise things can become suppressive and the spontaneity can diminish.
Some partners assume the position, you know the one, that of knowing you better than you know yourself? But even a life-partner doesn’t really have the right to take your individuality away from you, no matter how well-intended. However it’s a conscious thing and needs work, and often it’s all too easy to allow a partner to take over in this way, perhaps for a number of reasons:
- It’s easier
- It makes you feel as though you belong to someone (or feel needed)
- It gives you a feeling of safety
Does your partner make assumptions about you or you them, is it all too predictable, has it lost it’s spark. And maybe it’s time to relight that fire, the one that attracted to you to one another in the first place.
If you think about what happens, subconsciously, when someone tries to predict your future and apply it here. It’s just all too possible that a part of us gives up our power, vision and future to someone else’s strong impression of what they assume or predict for us.
It’s important to get clear on what it is YOU want for yourself, so that you can be single-minded in some cases, depending on how passionate and determined you are to make something happen. But one thing is for sure nothing happens without ACTION, and that has to come from you.
Does One Partner Feed Off The Other
Perhaps your relationship is based on one dominating and one submissive partner, and maybe that pattern needs closer inspection.
As we grow older certain things, no matter how long we’ve been doing them, can become a bit worn-out, last-century and stilted, plus if your life-partner gets a sense of themself by putting you (and others) down then it’s not really such a healthy relationship.
And how many of us have seen or been in partnerships where this is a matter of public spectacle and embarrassing for all those present.
How Can Things Change
So how do you change someone’s behaviour towards you, when the pattern is so well-embedded? Perhaps you’re afraid of losing them, or they you, so it makes sense to keep things as they are. What do you fear you are risking if you rock the boat?
The only person you can change is YOU and if you’re unhappy with things that in itself will divide and separate you from one another, especially if you don’t feel heard.
So it’s best to be honest where you can, and look into finding some tools and techniques that resonate with you so you can have something different.
It’s about being honest with yourself as much as anything, and if you find you’re always accommodating someone else’s opinion, ideas, thoughts before your own, it has the potential to crush the essence of who you are. And sometimes this can have happened for so long that a person has forgotten just who they really are.
This process opens you up to some self-discovery if you allow it in.
The oddest thing is that once we take the reigns for our own life and decide to do something DIFFERENTLY, then things automatically change. And strangely enough the person we had the issue with changes around us and the issue itself dissipates, without any of the drama’s you may have imagined.
Why Not Try This
If you want to get a sense of the subtle effect you can have, so that others behave differently towards you, you could start by trying this short exercise:
- Sit quietly for a moment with eyes closed
- Think of a situation with your partner that you’d rather be different
- Get a sense of whether you have any feelings or sensations in your body that remind you of the discomfort
- What does the sensation feel like, does it have a shape, a texture. a temperature, a colour
- Now if you were to scale the intensity of the feeling from 0-10 as 10 is the highest, what would the number be?
Then, if you know how to tap for instance you can do a tapping round or so on these feelings and thoughts.
If you have any questions about having something different or you’d like to arrange an introductory chat to see if having one-to-one sessions would help, drop a line in the contact us form.